Motherhood

Published in March, 2010  

By Asia S. Hinton

It’s 5:30 a.m. and 19-year-old Nekeba Layne awakens to the cries of her two month old daughter in the next room. Still exhausted from not being able to go to bed until 2 o’clock in the morning, Ms. Layne walks sluggishly into her daughter’s room to give her daughter her first morning feeding.

She changes her daughter’s diaper and places her back down in the crib, but 30 minutes is all she is allowed before she is once again awakened by screaming cries.

It’s now around 7 a.m. and Ms. Layne’s day is officially underway.  After bathing her daughter and getting her dressed it’s now time for her actual chores. While her daughter lays comfortably in her swing set, Ms. Layne begins washing baby items consisting of vomit cloths, poop-filled undershirts, bibs and blankets. She carefully washes and sterilizes pacifiers, bottles, bottle tops and nipples. She then boils a large pot of water for the day’s milk.

With only half of her tasks are complete, Ms. Layne must stop what she’s doing to feed her growing daughter again, and along with a feeding always comes a diaper change.

Not an average day

While a day such as this may be unusual for the average 19-year-old, it is typical for the ones that have children. Ms. Layne and other teen moms are forced to take on the adult role of being a parent, while other girls their age are enrolling in college, perusing career goals and living freely with lack of responsibility.

“Taking care of a baby, my day to day activities are extremely different from what they were before I had a child,” Layne said. “I have more responsibilities. I can’t lie in bed and do nothing all day, I have someone to wake up, feed and change diapers.”

Never ending responsibilities

Layne’s responsibilities as a parent do not just stop at changing diapers or feeding. At around 12 in the afternoon, Ms. Layne must prepare her daughter for a nap and is finally able to fix herself something to eat.

The clothes are finally finished washing and drying, and Ms. Layne sits in her room on her bed and begins folding clothes, placing each item in its desired location.

It’s time now to clean up the house. Ms. Layne makes up her bed and arranges any items that are out of place. Almost three hours have passed when Ms. Layne notices that it is time to wake up her daughter and feed her once more.

She plays with her daughter and then takes her out for an afternoon walk, for about 45 minutes. When the two arrive back home, Ms. Layne feeds her daughter, changes her diaper and prepares to cook dinner.

Day coming to an end

 Eight o’clock at night, Ms. Layne’s day begins to wind down. She gives her daughter her nightly bath, feeds her and then cradles her to sleep. Exhausted from the day’s work, Ms. Layne tries to rest, but three hours later wakes up in order to feed her daughter for the last time today.

Although Ms. Layne may still be tired, her daughter is full of energy and is not ready to be put back to sleep. Forced to stay awake until her daughter grows tired, Ms. Layne sits up in the middle of the night hoping her daughter will soon close her eyes.

Plans changed

Having a baby at the age of 19 was not in her initial plans for her future. Before becoming pregnant, Ms. Layne worked part-time at Wal-Mart and was training to become a correctional officer for Baltimore City. When she discovered that she was pregnant, she was unable to complete her six month training sessions to become a correctional officer, and her usual scheduled days to work at Wal-Mart were limited.

Working a six hour shift, four times a week was Ms. Layne’s usual schedule, but as she progressed along in her pregnancy, her days were cut, because simple tasks she was able to complete before now became a challenge.

“Wal-Mart was not understanding with my pregnancy. I couldn’t have a chair at the register or service desk, I was forced to stand up,” Layne said.

Another mother’s struggle

Layne faces the challenge of raising a child and trying to peruse her goals, much like 26-year-old Shemeka Johnson, who was once a young mom facing the same dilemmas.

While Johnson may have been a year older than Layne when she had her son, she still struggled to be a mom and peruse her career goals.

“It was an obstacle. I would have had two more years left of college, but things got hard for me when trying to go to school and raise a child,” Johnson said. “I had to make the choice of whether or not school was important or finances, I chose finances; therefore, I had to put school on hold.”

Johnson may have chosen to work instead of going to school, but working soon became a challenge when trying to afford daycare services became a constant struggle.

“I started working full-time, but it really got hard with daycare issues,” Johnson said. “Luckily, I had my grandmother and brothers who would watch my son.”

Even though seven years have passed and her son is now six years old, Johnson said it still is a difficult task trying to go back to school. Her original plans were to graduate college with a degree in social work, but while she has yet to complete that task, she did go back to school.

“While I didn’t go back to get my degree, I went back for a trade in 2004 and I graduated nine months later. I am now certified as a pharmacy technician,” Johnson said. “But it was hard because I still had to work throughout the school year while raising a small child.”

Unlike Layne, whose partner was not there to aid her in raising her child, Johnson’s partner is an active part of their son’s life. But as Johnson said, when raising a child its primarily the mother who sacrifices a lot.

Opting not to get pregnant

Although having children at a young age may not have been a plan for many girls who are in college or trying to pursue a career, some girls say they take extra precautions in order to not get pregnant.

Krystle Starvis is a 20-year-old biology major at Towson University, who says not getting pregnant until she is finished school and has a steady career path, is her ultimate goal.

“I know this may sound vulgar, but its times that I refrain from sexual intercourse with fears that I may become pregnant,” Starvis said. “I know there are condoms and all those other kinds of pills women can take, but nothing is 100 percent besides abstinence.”

Starvis, who works part-time at Best Buy, said it’s a financial struggle trying to survive on her minimal paycheck and she knows having to take care of another person would be even more difficult.

“I know that raising kids while trying to go to school is rough and I just don’t want to have to go through any of that right now,” Starvis said. “It’s hard trying to have money to put food in my mouth, so I know it would be extremely hard to try to do it for me plus a baby.”

A doctor’s opinion

While having babies may be stressful on any age, women in college between the ages of 18 and 22 and those trying to pursue careers tend to go unnoticed.

Psychotherapist Darina Alban of the Maryland Counseling Services said that the experiences of female college students who are raising children have received limited attention in the educational and psychological literature.

“Even though this population is not well researched, college mothers experience multiple stressors associated with balancing child rearing and pursuing education,” Alban said. “Compared to teen mothers, college mothers may even be more emotionally ready to raise a child, they might be more motivated to finish their education, but both these populations need a lot of family and social support to make these transitions less stressful.”

Although it may be difficult raising children while trying to go to college or pursue a career, many mothers are determined not to let that stop them from completing the goals that they have set for themselves in life.

A look into the future

While Layne may have put being a correctional officer on hold, she said that one day her dream of becoming one will come true.

“I will definitely attempt to go back and be a correctional officer,” said Layne. “I love my daughter and that’s the best way I can show her, by finishing goals that I set for myself.”